What is it, and why would we try it here?
(January 2001 - originally published as a FUSN Newsletter insert)

As you may know, there is a group of people at FUSN who have been talking about Small Group Ministry for the past few months. We're pretty excited about the idea, and would like to get a program going within this society, so this note is one of several approaches we'll be using to bring the rest of the congregation into the discussion.

Small Group Ministry is an attempt to develop community and promote spiritual growth by creating an environment in which participants regularly talk together about the events of their lives, and about the ideas that engage them. SGM groups are not therapy, or affinity, or family groups, though they have some aspects in common with each of those categories. They're not intended to solve anybody's problems, or to provide spiritual enlightenment. They are intended to enable people to get to know each other in a neighborly way, to feel in touch with each other's lives, and to provide a context in which to think about and talk through "the big questions".

It is both a blessing and a curse of Unitarian Universalism that we must each find our own spiritual path. I find that I need to talk about spirituality in the context of my own experience, in order to make sense of what I encounter along my way. My hope is that the regular meetings and familiar faces at SGM meetings will be an effective way for me to support talking and thinking about my spiritual path, and to learn from the experiences of others.

The idea in Small Group Ministry is that participants divide up into groups of fewer than ten people and meet regularly a couple of times a month. At each meeting, there is time to go around the room so that each person can say a little about what's new or important in his or her life, and there is time for general discussion of a prearranged topic. Participants are expected to make an effort to come to each meeting and stay with the group for a year or so; after that time the groups disperse and re-form with new membership, so that over a period of time, participants come to know people from many groups.

It's about small groups, because that's where there can be enough time and attention for each of us to be heard, where the business of human contact becomes our own personal business. And it's about ministry, the art of seeing and appreciating each other whole, as a spiritual practice for anyone.

The self-selected planning group currently consists of Barbara Bates, Mary Lou Eshelman, James Ford, Jan Seymour-Ford, Allyson Gray, Kathryn Kirshner, Jud Leonard, Nancy Wrenn, Margaret Zaleski, Bob Zeeb, and Holly Zeeb. Please talk to any of us if you're curious or concerned about Small Group Ministry.

Jud Leonard

Signing Up for a Group
If you want to join a Small Group Ministry (SGM) group, contact a Steering Committee member and provide enough information about your self so that the Steering Committee can assign you to a group mutually satisfactory to you and the existing group members. Here is an example of the information we need:

Name: Barbie Doll
Day/Time of Week Preferred: Monday eve., Thursday eve., or Sunday afternoon
Needs: please don't assign me to a group with my Ex (Ken Doll) or his current lover (Wonder Woman); please make sure there is at least one other person without children in the group; I'll need a ride home.
Contact: home phone: 617-123-4567; email: b.doll@toysRyou.net

The Small Group Ministry Steering Committee (of which James Ishmael Ford is a member) works with the SGM facilitators to find groups for people who want to join a SGM group. This process may take several weeks since it depends on Steering Committee meeting schedules and phone tag. The criteria the Steering Committee use are these: the target group meets on a day that works for the new member; it has fewer than 9 people; the group has at least two men when the new person is added; it is somewhat diverse as to age, sex, partner status, children etc.; it is well formed and ready to accept a new member; neither the new member nor anyone in the group has listed conditions that might preclude the new member (e.g. the new person is not the former partner of a member, etc.). We hope to avoid forming cliques or closed groups and ask your help in creating intentionally diverse groups (based on age, sex, length of time at FUSN, spiritual orientation, etc.).

The Steering Committee will call you once you are assigned to a group and the facilitator of the group will also call to formally invite you into the group and answer any questions you may have. Once you join a group, we recommend that you give yourself and the other members a little time to get to know each other. This means attending at least three or four meetings. That said, if you believe that for any reason you would be better off in another group, please do tell your facilitator you wish to change groups, or at least let them know you are leaving the group. Once you leave a group, you may sign up for any other group that has space available -- just let the Steering Committee know your needs.

We hope that after some period, say a year, people will want to begin meeting new and different people in other groups to expand their sense of community and spirituality. At that time, we hope that groups will split so that people new to FUSN have a chance to mingle with more established members in the groups that re-form as a result of the splitting process.

Group Ground Rules*
All group members are encouraged to observe these norms:
-- Speak in the first person, Share your own truth without making another's wrong
-- Listen carefully
-- Participate, but share speaking time
-- Make no judgements (suspend judgment -- you'll hear more)
-- Offer no advice
-- Don't assume that what you say will be kept confidential; specifically request confidentiality if you want it.

Unitarian Universalist Principles
We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote
» The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
» Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
» Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
» A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
» The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
» The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
» Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part;

... As free congregations we enter into this covenant, promising to one another our mutual trust and support. (UUA, 1997)

Questions or Concerns*
If you have a question, any question, please talk to your group facilitator, a member of the SGM Steering Committee or the Committee on Ministry, or our senior minister, James Ford. If you feel uncomfortable approaching any of these people, please seek out one of FUSN's Lay Ministers.

The SGM Steering Committee members are: Barbara Bates, Mary Lou Eshelman, James Ford, Jan Seymour-Ford, Kathryn Kirshner, Nancy Wrenn, Bob Zeeb, and Holly Zeeb.

The Steering Committee responds to concerns, links to the Committee on Ministry, develops and maintains the SGM curriculum, assigns new people to SGM groups, trains SGM facilitators, and has some review and oversight on who becomes a facilitator. The SGM Steering Committee meets at least quarterly (as do the facilitators) and oversees periodic assessments of the SGM process.

Group Members' Responsibilities*
The following points are intended to help you, the participant, make the most of your Small Group Ministry experience.

o Arrive a Bit Ahead of Time - Try to arrive and be settled in your chair by the time the meeting is supposed to start. This shows respect for other members who need to leave on time due to special needs and expect to have the full time allotted for the SGM session.

o Listen Carefully To Others – Try to understand their concerns and underlying values. If something seems completely cryptic, ambiguous or equivocal to you, ask for clarification. Chances are, you are not alone when you don’t understand what someone has said.

o Maintain An Open Mind – You don't have to stick to your initial position in the discussion. Feel free to be influenced and explore ideas that you have previously rejected or not yet considered.

o Listen With An Open Mind and Heart To Those Who Differ From You – Use this listening as an opportunity to expand your own spiritual perspectives. This is not a debate, and the objective is not to agree. It may be that you will never even completely understand the other person's point of view.

o Help Keep The Discussion On Track – Make sure your remarks are relevant to the session plan your group has selected to discuss.

o Speak Your Mind Freely, But Don’t Monopolize The Conversation – Make sure you are giving others the chance to speak.

o Address Your Remarks To The Group Members Not The Facilitator – everyone is there to hear what you have to say and get to know you.

o Value Your Own Experience And Opinions – Don’t feel pressured to speak, but realize that failing to speak means robbing your group of your wisdom.

o Engage In Friendly Disagreement – Differences can invigorate the group, especially when it is relatively homogeneous on the surface. Don’t hesitate to express ideas which differ from the ideas shared by others.

o Communicate Your Needs To The Facilitator –- The facilitators are responsible for facilitating the process, modeling shared leadership, and encouraging it in the group. If meetings are not starting or ending on time, if ground rules are not being followed, if not all members are getting time to check-in and share their thoughts, or if you have questions or other concerns, please do talk with the facilitator.

* Adapted from page 21 of UU Study/Action Issue - Dialogue Circles: A Guide for Facilitators by Robert M. Sarly; Autumn 1999